after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
