does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Randomize
