the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
