I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
