my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
smell my finger.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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