If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
