You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
