I can text with my tongue
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize