The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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