You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
