i wish my penis had a tongue
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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