well I can't set my house on fire every night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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