I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
