I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
