apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
