Is it because I queefed?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
