you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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