I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
