Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize