I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
