all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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