he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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