I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
