hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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