did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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