I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
