Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
