My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my shit smells like andre
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
