Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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