Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
