i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
