I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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