Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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