I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
