the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
