I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
