this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
