Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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