we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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