I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
