He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize