How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
