i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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