I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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