YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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