I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
