3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
