He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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