Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
