Fuck appropriateness.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
