I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
