Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
