When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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