Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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