Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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