Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize