I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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