me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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