So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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