i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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