WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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