Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
