the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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