When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
