My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
