I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just gift wrapped bread.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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