I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how pantless uber rides happen
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize