Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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