I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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