did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
