Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
