I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
