remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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