dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
