walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
