i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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