I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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