Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
