she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Are my feet made of real feet?
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
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He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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