I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
