coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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